Permission has been granted by the guardians of all mentioned children, and all names have been changed for the protection of privacy.

In August 2020, when it became apparent that it would be unsafe for children to attend public schools due to the ongoing outbreak of COVID-19, two families in Austin, Texas asked me to teach kindergarten to their 5-year-old children. We spent Mondays and Thursdays at the home of the twin girls, Sara and Brielle, while their two moms worked from home in other rooms. Tuesdays and Wednesdays were spent at Jeffrey’s house. Jeffrey lives with his mom, dad, three-year-old sister, and 8-year-old sister. His sisters were discouraged from interrupting our “kindergarten” time, so were not regularly included in our activities. The motivation to learn and confidence of these young children directly correlated to the degree of freedom they had to play and explore their ideas, with healthy adult input and responsiveness. With the introduction of blended online learning from the public schools, play-based learning took a major inevitable hit. For some children, the pandemic provided a unique opportunity to play more than ever before, while for others, the quality and quantity of hands-on play was immensely reduced due to the increase in screen time and lack of in-person interaction.

“Are you our servant?”

The kids don’t know how to define their relationship to me. I expect them to clean up after themselves and I hold them accountable for treating me, others, materials, and spaces with respect. I am a partner in their learning and I guide them in developing plans for their days, but I am not “in charge.” The children are in charge of their learning – with support and guidance. They often accidentally call me “mom” or compare me to their babysitter, school teacher, or friends. Jeffrey even said once that he thinks I might be like Junie B. Jones. I take that as a compliment.

A key part of my role is to encourage the children to see me as their equal, so that they may begin to understand that adults are people too; That all people have strengths and weaknesses. Many of us are firmly trained from a young age that “grown-ups” are people to be avoided and not trusted. Adults regularly lie about things that are important to kids, and kids learn the truth the hard way. Grown-ups often don’t want to hear what kids have to say. Kid feelings and actions are so often misunderstood.  

Please do not misunderstand me on this point - we should not expose children to inappropriate content nor treat them entirely like adults. Children do not have the experiences that we have, so they are not mentally or physically prepared to respond to “adult” situations. But their ideas and dreams are still valid and worth discussing. Their current opinions and beliefs do matter. Every idea introduced to them now will stick with them for the rest of their lives. They are learning now the appropriate emotional responses to the various circumstances in their lives. Children grow up and become adults – but their core understanding of how “adults” perceive them will not change. Some young kids learn that adults laugh at whatever they say or do. They will learn to expect adults to laugh at them. When they become adults and all of their friends, and colleagues, and partners are adults too – they will expect their friends, colleagues, and partners to laugh at them if they ever dare to share their ideas. The way we respond to children now will shape how they understand adult relationships for the rest of their lives. Let that sink in. 

Children will come to expect (and imitate) the types of relationships and attitudes they see adults sharing. Thankfully, many adults quickly become aware of their unhealthy tendencies and work to improve them. But imagine a world in which people genuinely believe that everyone out there has good intentions. I believe there are no “bad children.” Most adults, myself included, were seriously misunderstood at some point in our childhood lives. We tried to share our dreams and instead had our struggles and feelings dismissed as misbehavior by a trusted parent, teacher, or coach.

So, yes children, I am your servant. I am devoted to supporting your dreams and endeavors. Because in each and every child there is a beautifully blossoming world of creativity. In early childhood, humans rapidly develop habits, tendencies, and emotional responses – while exploring their incredibly unique ideas. Let’s give children the ability to embrace their unique talents and challenges by allowing them to play. Children want to learn math when it is necessary to enhance the complexity of their play-world. They want to learn to read and write when they need to write letters to their new imaginary goo-monster-monkey friend named Dada!

Lessons from The Outdoor World

While on our daily walk in the neighborhood, the children and I stumbled upon an interesting cluster of trees in a small circle, leaning gently outwards. Jeffrey immediately tried climbing, as all of the nearby playgrounds were closed due to COVID-19 precautions. We often used the abandoned playground bike racks as pull-up bars for the same reason.

Initially, the twins watched in awe as Jeffrey carefully scooted his feet up the trunks, but soon felt called to the challenge and ran after him. They cried out in frustration when they were not able to climb up at all on their first try. When she finally managed to get one foot up, Brielle begged for me to quickly help her down. I calmly walked over and said, “Wow! You got one foot up! Feel how strong your legs are. You are holding yourself up safely. Trust yourself.”

As the children continued to attempt the climb, I continued to gently encourage them to safely challenge themselves. When I cheered for her to try to put her foot a few inches higher, Sara nervously whispered, “But what if I fall down?”

“What might happen if you fall down?” I asked back.

Jeffrey responded, “You could get a scratch. I got tons of scratches on my legs!”

We talked through the logical progression of events. At very worst, she might scratch herself a bit, so we might need to go home to wash it with soap and water before putting on a band-aid. “But what if I fall on my face?”

“You aren’t too high up, so I bet that if you fell on your face you would bonk your nose, and it might hurt a tiny bit and maybe you would get a small bruise.”

Jeffrey felt compelled to jump in, “And maybe you would have a little bloody nose!”

“Yes, that could happen. But I don’t think it would if you fell on your face from this height. But I also don’t think you will fall on your face because your arms and legs are really strong and you are being careful to hold yourself up. If you start to slip, I bet you can find a way to land on your feet. Trust yourself.”

Conversations with Siri

“Please show me pictures of a unicorn. Thank you.”

This tool that unlocks infinite information is understandably addictive, especially to young children whose sponge-minds are desperately seeking input to better understand their world. The infiniteness of the available content is mind-boggling for adults and obsession-inducing in children. Adults don’t know where unicorns live or how to find them, but she can show a million pictures of real unicorns in an instant!

“All I want to do is look at a screen or rest,” Sara moaned. Sure, the tablet engages their sight, hearing, and sometimes touch. But the feedback it provides is limited, and the children get visibly frustrated when their virtual assistant fails to respond like a human adult. But human adults don’t always have an answer. Tablets may appear to suck the life-force out of children, but those “answers” and never-ending games are irresistible.

Children inarguably learn from their technological extra limbs, but they often don’t understand the real-life applications for what they are learning. The technology isn’t going anywhere - it is too deeply integrated into our society - but this isn’t a message of hopelessness. We have the ability to intervene by ensuring that the connections to the real world remain intact. It is impressive to be a technological whiz-kid, but life is all about balance. Most “educational games” can be easily recreated with real-world objects in our homes or outdoors. It is our responsibility as caregivers and educators to guide children to those connections so that they may learn and grow from their play experiences, both online and off.

Zoom School

Teachers are among the most self-sacrificial people in our world. Most are willing to put in countless hours and excessive workloads with extremely high emotional and physical demands. They will do anything for their students. As we saw in the horrific Sandy Hook tragedy of 2012, educators are willing to die for their students. How many other careers demand that degree of sacrifice? And now we are asking many of those individuals to do an impossible task - to personally accept the responsibility of these young children’s mental and physical well-being in the middle of a pandemic, while meeting all normal state and national standards… through video calls.

Due to the lock-down, many guardians have had a first-hand glance at what it takes to manage the undeniably necessary task of teaching children full-time. If not now, when will we demand more respect for educators and caregivers?

Unprecedented Times

It is vitally important that children do not lose this opportunity to play and learn. Play is not wasted time. Play is the time in which children form their foundational understandings of themselves, others, and the world with all of its intricacies. We must find a way for children to safely interact with one another and with healthy adults. And we must find a way that does not abuse the dedicated educators. This type of kindergarten bubble may be a potential model for a path forward. Parents and educators must communicate and work together so that all children’s needs are met. Every adult has something they could teach to young children, regardless of their career path or lifestyle.

Parents, politicians, and educators – we have the opportunity now to reset the standards of education for the children in our care. Our school systems did the best they could, given their resources and circumstances, and I bear them no ill-will. But our children deserve better. We can do better. No simple answer exists for this systematic problem, but I am dedicated to becoming part of the solution.