or not.

sayings tend to be just that, “sayings”

it doesn’t make them true

or false

it just makes them a thing that was once said

a word tried on for size

a whisp of a thought

a trying of time

a flutter of the fortunes

a lifetime of a tree flying by

a thought is just that a thought

nothing more nothing less the less you focus on them the quicker they fly by

a thought

a thought a thought

waht what is a thought a thought is a thought it s how you are when you just are and stop trying to interrupt yourself all the time and let yourself a damn thought once in a while you know yu

you think thoughts and in some cases the ewording comes out a bit strong the words

the words they come out a we think wrong i don’t know why i don’t i do now know why or i am learning

i am learning

why the word come out the way they do why when i let my thoughts completely unwind why don’t i allow myself to complete unwind

what is holding me back?

am i tueni am tuned to a certain chord i am tuned to your lies i am tuned to my lie i am tuned to my lies i am just tuned

but i can unwind

buy t what happens if i unwind

when i unwind is it safe is it better?

an unwound string cannot play high

an unwound string can not fly

an unwound string is as useless as those so deeply entwines entwined when too deeply entrenched in the roots in the vines in the depth of your strength the stretch of your toes what do we know

what do we know

that we can sing in perfect harmony

when we are in tune

with ourselves and with others

i see you’re not like me

but i see your strength

i see what you can bring the world with you with you you are a gift you have a gift you are part of a gift to the world

you are a gift to the world

yoou are a gift

you are a gift to the world so what will you do with that?

will you continue to satay out of tune

you’re close

you’re close to enough

you are so close

this is a shadow of you this is your shadow

your shadow is the way that you live, untrue to yourself

you are not being truset of truest of trueier truth

just be honest with yourself

be honest with yourself be honest with yourself be honest with yourself

and say

what

you

mean

say

what

you

know

is

the

thing

to be said next sometimes you don’t know the thing that is to be said next

how will i know how you will react

i won’t know how you will react I cannot right?

i canot right?

i cannot right?

or can i

can i

how would i react

how would i react

that is all i know

i don’t know if something would make me angry

i don’t know if Opa will be mad if Oma brings home a second cat.

a third cat?

but i do know that

if someone brought home a second cat to me… i don’t think mad is what I’d be.

i think I’d feel a bit of concern, but that ultimately I will lover the cat and it will be part of my familie familia

i think sometimes my awkward frasing phrasing or spelling comes from the fact that I speak German, Spanish, Chinese, and a bit of rench . well, I’d like to learn more friend’s languages. the more of one’s language you know the more capable you are of communicating fluently. language unlocks a door. to share common threads of huimanity despuite the lack of words creates a bond that is deeper than words can dream to describe because you speak on a deeper level

you love on a different level

you understand one another differently because differently is the only way.

words are not taken for granted.

words are share d are sheaare shared when necessary. when necessary,. it isn’t always necessary to speak you know

i struggle with that

i want to talk all the time

perhaps that’s why I try to learn so many pepole’s languages so i can’t speak to as many people at as many times, but perhaps the way I speak becomes more awkward the more languages I learn because it fundamentally changes the way i learn

each room I unlock in my mind

i can see it

the closed door ahead, that frase I don’t understand.

that spelling I can’t comprehend

but then i remember what matters. I know which words will be easy to pronounce or not regardless of language and I’m spelling it like that for a reaon

like a first grader allowed to use inventib

inventive spelling

i am trying to write jjs write just like that

without really pressing delete unless i forget or fall out of my floiw i try to write as fast as I can’t stop even when i want to repeat or press delete or let you go i will never know if i leggo waffles see i won’t really press delete unless i forget which sometimes i do and i wont fall out of flow i wont fall out of you because i love you and i love to write and i can’t stop writing and i’m really writing like i’m running out of time and i love to write like this i was jheajealous of hamilton because he wrote like he was running out of time he called the shots and said i’m writing now because what i have toi say is important and what i have to say now is important i have an important message to share and i want to share this message with you world i want to sahre what i have to say so please listen

please listen

please listen

when is the last time you listened to me. i just pressed delete because my train of thought ended so i backed up and repented and realized that not all the tnot all that i try to say will be write and sometimes i have to slow down and correct myself to make sure i am understood that i am understood by mystself

i want tobe understaood by myself because if i don’t understand me then how will i begin to understand him or you or she or they won’t undersatnd understand if i’m not careful with the way i say things and the way i type and the way i speak becareeful.

being careful is not always bad.

it is good to be careful when i am doing something dangerous

the risk is real.

permanent damage to my phsycial body could limit me and i want to be a good stewqard of this body. i want to thrive and have strength. i want to grow.

i want to take care of myself

i want to take care of others

i want to be full of cares i want to be careful.

having new baby kittens. it makes me more careful.

have a baby human and you will learn what careful means.

and not without reason

and not with risk

risk is inevitable

it is really risky to allow my 11 month to try climbing down the stairs by herself.

I’m aware of that, so I’m careful.

instead of stopping her every time, I stay by her side, prepared to catch her, as I allow her to safely explore the stairs. I stay careful and alert.

and i catch her when she falls

and usually, she only falls once or twice

then she learns

and she finds a safe and comfortable way to get down each step

and now i don’t need to be so careful all the time

of course, I have not yet seen evidence that she can safely get down an entire staircase,

and even a small one I need to evaluate on a case by case

maybe i should allow her to explore more challenging situations

I’ve never let her try climbing down the stairs (safely) while a bit tired or hungry. or hangry as I like to say.

but it is important to know how to function when not in the best mood

that’s something i struggle with as an adult.

if i’m tired or byblood sugar’s low

i forget how to rhyme and i don’t feel like i have control because perhaps i was carried

not that that’s wrong to be carried sometimes

we all need to be carried sometimes

sometimes we just ARE too toired because we spent all day

working at learning and improving ourself and our selves

the way we talk and the way we write is different if i want trying to type more properl wul d know ohw to talk

if i typed the way i really speak i think the gramma r structure adn spellings would be a lo different perhasp when i rell y flow wih typing would be closer to the propera spellings of these words for how i say them u lous but perhaps it wouldnt make sendse to anoty bing but me no it woudlnt’ make an sense to anyone byt me

IO alays liked books like that they attempted to spell the way people speak. I’ve been noticing that a lot with black characters in books and perhaps that’s why responate so deeply with the characters because we can hear their voice in our heads because of the way things are spellled and it sounds more real in the head. atticus really truly speaks.

when i try to speak thou my heart it sounds different n the spelling smaybe dont quite make sense yet because this is the first time anyone dont write like this not even me write like this i write the way a news reporter might speak all proper but when i really typing thats whatshorthand is for so we can focommnnnuncast more rfarpidly so we can really trust in wahat we are saying we dont want to sthink about it whe we just ant to be real ith each other let it flow it is lt it go let it go

let igo let go and realyl write

it doesn’t mattter what people think it doesn’t matter if your typos aoffend them

but what if they offend me?

i was a writing consultant for years I can’t just intentionally allow myself to make mistakes

i can’t intentiouintentionally

but then how will I preactice consice slow writing slow down’ sheshh

slow down and think about what you are saying because it is impora

it is important

do you hear me?

it is important to practice writing every day

uiIf you want to write concisely and clearly you need to think about what you will say first.

If you ant

If you want to type without typos and you would like to speak out loud in your words you ant to speak clearly

you need to slow down

and write more carefully

like you do everything else in life just be a bit more careful.

Sure, I could type faster than almost anyone I met (I have wildly fast reflexes and am incredible at tetris and DDR)

But I can also talk fast and often talk too fast and my thoughts are lost.

So if I slow down a bit. It doesn’t have to be a lot. And sometimes i can pick the pace up.

Wait.

But when I noti

When I notice mistakes.

When I know

When I notice mistakes, then I need to try again.

I need to construct my sentences in advance.

Jusdt as I am attempting to construct my narrative, my story, as it happened, as I remember, as I try to set myself free with my writing,

I am trying to set myself free with my writing.

I am trying to set myself free with my writing. I am trying to set myself free with my writing

I am free

i am free now wth my writing

i can be free if I try to be present and type presently and focus on the words and the flow and think about each c

each key as it is pressed

each key will flow into the next

and speak to me

and speak to me

and pseak to me

we internet we internet speaking speakers we can understand one another and mixed up words and the consonents don;’t even matter the grammar is obscure and fun and unnecessary and your words will be erased and undone and erradicated as we speak more and more leet because emokjis area emojie are a language too?

do you believe me? I wish i could speak quickly here with emojis too and maybe i can’t and maybe i can

and that would be fun to asd

too add some tone to my writing if i spoke with emoji

i like books with emokji

i read a book ij china that my australian friend shoed me

it was a book writen written entirely in emoji

and when things fell through things with the chinese woman he loved, he sent me a string of thirty emojis

that told of how he ahd said something wrong at the ice cream parlour with her and it had all gone to shambles.

That was the essential meaning, but it was a bit difficult to translate into English or CHinese.

but he got his story acrost o me

and that’s how i speak

it’s not quite leet and it’s certainly not chinese

but a combo of all

growiung up in a household of mixed up languages

Deutsch und Austrian dialict and others entertwined and misunderstood

my swiss friend she visits and when she speaks a combo of words enterchained in german and english we both learn as always we try to speak and communicate and learn and grow and grow and grtow and the people areound you the peaoplt the people around you can help you learn and grow the people around you can help you learn and grow if you just ask

ask them to share what they know

ask them they are your teachrs

your friends are your teachers

your ps your pets

your parents

any family or friends are you teachers.

who you spent you time with who you gave your heart to

how you take care of that you people that you love that you god that you teacher

what you have is that you teacher

that is you teacher

teacher teach me what there is to know

teach me Teacher let us bloom and let us grow i want to know what is next where we’ll go i feel you growing in me i feel you growing in me i am writing this section with my eyes cloesd with my eyes closed i let it flow what you know i will not press delete and i will not slow down i am reungging i am running to you but i am afraid i am, afraid to grow i am afraid to go here we are going but maybe we are just going insane what is the difference is it how you presendt it is it healthy is it healthy if you help others nonstop with you time and energy. it feels far healthier than awasting my tdays on tik tok

why am i on tiktok to gain notoriety too get a following to get potential costumers for our board gam,e butsiness. all aflid all valid all valid/

who can i tryst if i cannot trust a nun

she want a nun

she was a salvation army officer

or smajor or something

i don’t know the ranks very well yet

but i want to elarn

i am curious to learn and grow

and learn what i can about true service and living an l life of job a life a job that is entertwined becauyse i am serving my purpose

i am surving my purpose is to communciate and share and grow i am a communicator why would i be talking nonstop if i wan’t a communicator i am skilled and capable of interating with almost anyone and sorry for the typose i’m still not pressing delte i am sharing my heart and sould to whomever is listening whomenwhoever is listening

whome is a dative pasive nown

haha google that.

and then prove me wrong.

or write

or right

can you correct this for me?

somebhody who is reading.

go through and see if you don’t become a better writer in the process.

that’s onften that’s often a writing exercise we gift yo to young children.

We ge we give them a passage with errors in the spelling or grammar for whatever reason. and then we asm, ask for corrections. can you figure out what i meant to say iaf i dont focorrect myself adn instead just keep going which iw is what morst most people seem to do

but what if

instead of making tons of tpose

and pressing enter at the end of each thought… Whatr if instead, I just slowed down a bit. So I could do proper grammr and line breaks and what not? BUt perhaps that isn’t so imporant maybe it is is maybe uit is more imporatnt it is more important to get the word out

but also to connect. to connect with the real people in the real places. why not be like thouse like those i admire more than anyone else

if i admire them why not try to be like the i ant to i want to be like the people i admire more than anyone else

mother thersa mother mother mother teresea Mary mother of God

my gram my mother

thse these women who serve so selflessly

with love

and compassion

to make the world a bit better around them

they serve and they serve until the days that they die they truely they struggles and didn’t always know

gram tina she served

and an angel

the mother teresa of ann arobor

the more teresa ai would love tobe know n s

to be known as a mother

otnot to be kjnown

that is not what is important i am just me

but what i want to be known is love

i want love to shine through me so that all may experience the love that is overflowing out of me this love that overwhlems me this poewerful all emencompassing love

i am within the heart of love

i am in the heart

i am in the heart

i am full of a love that is incomprehensible to me but it wants to keep giving and overflowing and it wants to help

and we all have good intentions we all have good intentions

he has good intentions you have good intentions

i have good intentions

i have good intention

she has good intentions

whatever my god is so incomprehensibly to me

My God is love

it is written in the Holy scriptures it is ritten on the sea

it is written and it is spoken and love is true

i can do magic with love

i can do magic with

love can do magic with me

i can do nohing i can do nothing without love overflowing out of me

with love i create

without love i am destroyed and useless

love is infinite in my well is infinite

my well is infiniite

my stop

stop

listen to me

and let yourself flow and let yourself know

that the ;love is infinite and i’m working on you and I’m working on you I’m oka

I’m okay

listen

god is working on m.u let’s stop writing now.

and draw a picture isntead.

wow this blog is avante garde.

Not everyone’s cup of tea.

butthat’s okay

it is yours. if you read this far. hehe