Listen

To listen to a child is to love a child. How to listen to a child in a way that makes them feel loved? Ask open ended questions and encourage them to find intrinsic value in their own creations. Compliment their work ethic and efforts rather than their products. Asking them to describe their creations indicates your interest without necessitating your approval. Your approval is unnecessary. Many children struggle all their lives with a subconscious desperation to earn their parent’s approval, but our approval or lack thereof can hold them back from focusing on accomplishing what THEY would be proud of on their own. When a child asks, “do you like it?” you can comment on the characteristics of it without giving a value judgement. You can say, “tell me about it,” or, “what do YOU like about it?” and you can honestly provide your opinion, but make it clear that their opinion is what is most important. Unless they are making something FOR you, your approval of the product should be irrelevant. They will always witness higher quality creations and better works of art, and they will know that theirs is not as good. This could make them feel jealousy and anxiety because they know the adults in their lives would approve of that work more than theirs. But that shouldn’t matter. Instead, the adults in their lives should be focusing on praising the hard work and creative use of materials so that children learn that the value comes from working hard to create something the child is proud of. This will motivate them to keep trying to produce something even if it is hard and doesn’t turn out the way they like. If they make something that they don’t think is beautiful, then can compliment them on the effort and ask questions about their vision and help them brainstorm ideas to get their creation to the point that they want it to be at.

In general, children just want to be heard. And not just surface level heard. They want you to look them in the eyes and truly listen. And truly respond. Try to open your mind to the imaginary possibilities and take your thoughts to their absurd limits. Show them that imagination does not die in adulthood and that you understand that there is still wonder in the world. Children will love and build on your creative ideas, and it isn’t bad at all to admit that you don’t know everything or even most things. It is good for children to see that you also have questions about the world and that you think through ideas for how things came to be or could be different. Children need to see that there aren’t always easy answers and that sometimes adults don’t know how to do things. This makes them feel less helpless when they don’t know how to do something. It shows them that there is always potential to learn and grow and discover new ideas. When a child says they are drawing a spider, take it to the absurd. Say, “I wish I was a spider because if I had lots of legs then I could run really fast” or something along those lines. Ask questions about what they would do if they were a spider or how they would react if they saw a spider the size of a person. Ask open ended questions and take everything to their absurd extremes. Ask about other animals with too many legs. Who knows, maybe they HAVE seen something magical…