Radical Honesty

When I feel confronted by a deep truth, sometimes something that feels close to anger stirs within me. But I think what I’m feeling is defensiveness. A resistance to doing what I truly believe is best. A fear of what might happen if I lived out that truth. It’s like seeing a light that burns the eyes.

I heard a wise man named Sadghuru speak about how he is always intoxicated - by life itself.

My wise mother has said for years that she is high on life.

I want to say that perhaps not everyone at every stage of life has the same capacity to create or ability to process dopamine or whatever chemicals we need to stay happy. But what if everybody does have that capacity, given a community, lifestyle, and diet that is customized to their unique set of tastes and physical needs. I know when a job, friendship, home, or animal feels right. I know when a certain food or drink does or doesn’t sit well with my body or mind, and if I’m unsure, I can experiment by cutting it out of my diet for a while and seeing how I feel. Making subtly healthier choices does not need to be too complicated. I need to trust myself with that.

We won’t all agree on what feels right. But that’s where communication comes in. I hope I can learn how to be completely honest and true to myself (that doesn’t mean share everything with everyone - that just means to not say or do things that are contrary to my true beliefs.

I don’t need to compromise my beliefs to find a compromise.

Young children struggle to control their emotions.

It is a skill they develop. 

I still regularly struggle to control 

my impulses

my emotions 

my feelings

But I still have them. I acknowledge them.

I spend time rolling them around in my head,

studying all of my feelings and thoughts from all angles.

asap once identified.

The sooner I can unlock the thought behind my feelings,

the sooner I can be free;

The sooner I can think of a solution to the problem.

And then often, the most logical course of action 

is to be peaceful.

To be kind. 

To be more thoughtful.

To be gentler. 

To show more love.

When I am yelled at or when I am hit,

hitting or yelling back will not make things easier.

That is not to say I shouldn’t defend myself.

I need to love myself too.

Love yourself.

Defend yourself.

Love others as you love yourself.

You're supposed to love yourself.

I’m supposed to love myself.