Stress-Free Parenting

Parenting is not stress-free (yes, thanks Captain Obvious). But stress isn't always a bad thing; high-quality products are often stress-tested. Becoming a parent has been a stress-test on my resilience, strength, and stamina. Feeling overwhelmed is inevitable and was expected given the drastic shift in responsibilities that becoming a parent entails, but absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the reality of it. I spent more than a decade working directly with babies and young children and pride myself on the fact that I am exceedingly patient. And yet, I have days where I cry back at my crying baby, begging her to tell me what she needs. My patience has been tested and, good lord, my body has been tested.

Before giving birth, I avoided taking medications unless absolutely necessary, which was thankfully rare. But after she was born...
I typed up a whole laundry list of medications I took for the various aches and -itises that resulted from birthing and caring for my child, but honestly I know nobody wants to read that. It was cathartic just to write it out and delete it.

If you've ever given birth, I recommend you try that... write out everything that you can remember, including all of the medications, treatments, and the resulting physical and mental struggles you face(d). Before you forget and convince yourself that it wasn't difficult, allow yourself to acknowledge and appreciate the physical challenges you faced and perhaps continue to face. That sh*t was real.

I want to believe that I am getting healthier every day, but it doesn't always feel like it.
People sometimes say things like, "The first three months are the hardest," and perhaps they're right, but that doesn't make the next months not-hard. It stays hard. Being a parent is really hard. But hard isn't always a bad thing.

I have to remind myself–admitting that it's hard doesn't make me a bad mom. I see influencer parents telling us the "easy" steps for baby sleeping, eating, and even birthing. But maybe it isn't supposed to be easy! Maybe there isn't always a straightforward answer because nobody else has lived with unique me and my unique baby. I often know intuitively what my baby needs, and if I'm ever unsure, I talk to her pediatrician. But that doesn't mean it's easy to meet all those needs. Babies are demanding little humans!

Parenting forces me to regularly reassess my goals and purpose. It forces me to confront the fact that I'm getting older too; Life is moving forward and the world is changing, with or without me. When I imagine her all grown up, I must imagine myself all grown up too. I must imagine me... old. I see my parents as grandparents, which makes me see the potential grandparent in myself too.

I wasn't afraid to move across the world to a potentially hostile foreign country, but I was a bit afraid to have a baby.

Parenting is also hard for lots of other reasons. But you've heard all those reasons people give for not wanting children.

It won't be this hard forever.
She will grow up. She is growing up.
Someday I'll have the time and energy to tidy up more.
Someday she might comfort me.

She is an entirely new person who will share her ideas and dreams with the world. She can't even crawl, yet has already changed lives and started her ripple on the world.
She will go places and do things I can't predict nor imagine. She will have colleagues, friends, lovers, and haters. And maybe even children of her own. And I'd love to be there too. But her path is her own.

My job is to love her and do my best to prepare her for the world. That's no small task, but I'd say it's a worthy one.