Thoughts on being a mom (again)
This post contains a couple Amazon affiliate links. I only link to products I genuinely love, and if you choose to buy something, it helps support my writing! Thanks 💜
The second time has been easier (so far).
I had spent so much time and energy worrying about things like how to put on a baby carrier, but now it’s like putting on a coat. Anxiety dominated my brain in the first year of my daughter’s life.
Watching her breathe wasn’t enough to reassure me that she was sleeping well, I needed my hand on her chest. Every little challenge or fear sent me down a reddit and google rabbit hole, which honestly only amplified my concerns because of the display of infinite possible problems.
This time, I’ve sent messages to the pediatrician a few times about concerns, but I’ve generally avoided the anxiety machine; the world wide web. On that note, I also stopped reading the news entirely after Lulu was born. I’m not up to date on the most recent details of the various wars around the world, and that’s okay. Those are not my war fronts.
My war front is here. I am raising humans who will hopefully contribute to making the world a safer, kinder, and more loving place. I am protecting the peace in my home and my heart by not allowing the negativity of the world into my mind.
You may say I’m sticking my head in the sand, but I say I am doing what I can with what I have.
The crying doesn’t tear apart my brain like it did the first time. Maybe I’m just desensitized, or maybe I’ve learned that it usually doesn’t last long. It feels like eternity, but I’ve found that in reality it lasts rarely more than a few breaths. I also have a better understanding now of what the different cries mean, which gives me actionable steps.
Actionable steps are my current key to mental health. What can I do to change the immediate circumstances? And if that’s not possible, how can I change my mindset? I’m trying not to give in to hopelessness.
An example:
I’m holding a seemingly endless crying over-tired baby.
Action steps:
Try to bounce her on my knee or walk around holding her.
Doesn’t work? Try to nurse her and sing.
Doesn’t work? Find that yoga ball and bounce in a dark room.
Still not working or simply getting tired myself? Ask someone else to try.
I am lucky enough to have my husband working from home, and sometimes the cost of interrupting his work is worth my sanity
That’s a big one. I rarely asked for help before.
Kids are attuned to our energy. When I am feeling scattered, my baby feels it too. Sometimes the best thing I can do for my kids is to ask someone else to take them off my hands for a few minutes. I felt ashamed to do that the first time around. Now I know it is a necessity.
Instead of telling myself I don’t have time for myself or my hobbies, I allow myself to do things slowly. I’d like to knit fruits and vegetables for my kids to play with. Sure, I don’t have hours to sit and knit. But I can knit a few rows here and there on the rare occasion that nobody needs to be held. I don’t have to let go of all my random ideas, I just need to change my approach.
That’s something I’m still working on. I don’t quite have a system down for how to effectively take time for myself. But I also need to remind myself daily that it’s okay for my systems and routines to be flexible or nonexistent for now. I take minutes to myself when I can. It won’t be like this for the rest of my life. My kids won’t be little for long.
I won’t always have a toddler wanting to “help” fold the laundry. Right now I do have some time to fold laundry, but instead I’m writing this. Priorities have shifted. It won’t “never get folded,” but it might not be folded today. Or this week. But who’s counting days?
The only thing I’m counting now is up to ten when I’m playing hide and seek with my 2-year-old while baby-wearing the 2-month-old.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Ready or not— here I come.
