Walkie-Talkie

"I want to talk all night. 

but if I cannot talk all night

Then I will have to write.

I need to write."

When I was a wee thing, before the ripe age of two, my parents nicknamed me Walkie-Talkie because of the way I would walk up to strangers to chat. And I mean it when I say I was a wee thing. My father still calls me Hannalein (Little Hanna in German). I still remember shamefully losing the "big muscles" contest in first grade gym class, devastatingly a head shorter than the others.

I was homeschooled that year by my mother, my baby sister, and Alex, but still went to public school for some classes.

Maybe my parents had some other reason for keeping me home that year, but all I cared about was that I would be reunited with my best neighbor buddy in first grade! 

Last week, Alex told me that something she learned since becoming a mother is that our children become mirrors of us. 

Today, I told a little girl that it is her responsibility to identify her own needs, and then communicate them positively to the people she loves...

Because they love her.

We love her.

And if she shares what she wants, we would love to hear her out. We don't want her to feel angry. We don't want her to be sad.

We want to find a compromise.

We want to solve the problem.

Because we love each other. And because we want peaceful and joyful lives. 

We all feel sad sometimes. We all feel scared. We all feel hurt.

But there is always a way out.

A solution is always to be found. 

It may not be the solution I expect. But I am wildly creative, and so are you. And if we practice, we can learn strategies for finding new solutions to the problems we face. 

Two little boys in my preschool class once began tug-of-warring over an old cell phone (with its battery removed). I calmly walked over and said, “Wow! You are both pulling on this and you both look really angry. What is the problem here? Oh, it looks like you both want to use that phone. I’m worried it might break if you pull on it like that! I’ll hold it while we figure out a solution for this big problem - don’t worry, I’m not taking it away! Just holding it until we can find the solution to this problem.”

Then I acknowledged their feelings for a while until they could calmly and rationally assess the facts of the situation. They both wanted the phone. They didn’t want to share it. They didn’t want to take turns.

Then a lightbulb went off in one boy’s head: “we could make another phone!”

I expected immediate push-back, considering how angry they had been minutes before.

“Hmm… okay!”

And then they spent the next hour using popsicle sticks, paint, and tape to make another “phone.”

They spent the next hour after that playing together with their two phones.

We can figure out a way to walk away genuinely happy from any confrontation.

I want to walk away

Knowing that I did my best.

Knowing that I remained honest, 

I remained strong.

I did not under nor over sell myself. 

I would love to be able to say

That in every situation,

I worked hard to resolve things in such a way that everyone involved feels okay in the end. 

Truly okay.

But it requires more than that too. I also need to truly believe that others are not trying to hurt me; Others are not trying to bring me down.

I may disagree on methodologies or opinions, but 99% of the time, intentions are good. Most people want to help - but feel sad or scared.

And if intentions are truly selfish or cruel, which they rarely are, then I will call that out. Nobody is out to get me. If someone treats me with true disrespect - it is not my fault. That is their decision.

When playing games with the kiddos, their imaginary characters sometimes suddenly hit or say something mean to one of my characters. 

My characters almost always respond the same way, regardless of their personality or quirks.

"Why did you hit me? Do you want to hurt me?"

Yes?

"Why do you want to hurt me?"

"Well... I didn't want to hurt you... I just wanted to stop you from being so silly!"

"Oh! You could just ask me to stop being so silly! I would be happy to stop if you don't like it! 

You don't have to hit me for me to hear you." 

One child even responded to me once, through the body of a stuffed bear: “I hit you because I don’t have any friends.”

If we cannot get positive validation from other humans, it is often because we have no positive validation from ourselves. If we don’t even believe in ourselves, why would someone else believe in us? Only I will truly hold myself accountable in the end… and that isn’t anybody else’s job! I cannot be upset at someone else for not carrying my weight for me. If I want more joy in the world, I better bring it!

If you have better ideas, throw ‘em at me! I'd love to hear them. Let's debate, with love😄💜

I won't just talk the talk. 

I try to walk the walk.