A Higher calling

I argued against

the idea in my mind.

It would be hard.

Nobody would listen.

If they couldn’t do it,

there is no way I can.

I talk too much. I come on too strong.

But I am not naive and I am far from fragile.

I have lived and died a thousand times in my imagination

But it is time to let go of that fear and acknowledge that a desire for death, or even just a feeling of dread upon waking up, is a sign that I have given up on pursuing the life of my dreams. When I feel impending doom, a part of me isn’t believing that the waking time I am spending on this earth is valuable. And if that is the case, why am I not changing what I am doing with my time? Or why am I not trying to find a positive spin on the things I am doing already? With a shift in perspective, life is exceedingly beautiful.

Regardless of how they have treated me

and regardless of our differing opinions,

my goal is to make people feel loved.

I regularly mess up and lose sight of my goal.

But the more I preach it, the more I will practice it.

People feel love in different ways and it takes patience

to learn how to love someone in a way that

they can feel it. And many will fear and

reject it because they have been hurt

by the people they love.

So by caring for all,

I am opening myself

up to the risk

of being hurt

by all.

But I am also opening myself up to the opportunity to help more people feel loved in a way they deserve to experience. Loved by themselves - deeply and truly.

You cannot abandon yourself.

I cannot abandon myself.

I can keep trying until the day I die, but I am stuck by my own side through thick and thin. So why not make myself my ideal life partner? It’s not like I have a choice! At the end of the day, even when I close my eyes, I am still there. For all I know, even after I die, I could still be stuck with myself. So death is not necessarily a release from the cycle of painful self-rejection. The only release is true self-acceptance. Acceptance of the weaknesses and the strengths.

That isn’t to say I don’t need other people. The way I treat my family and closest friends is likely a reflection of how I treat myself. The way I allow others to treat me is also a reflection of how I treat myself.

Healthy life companions will encourage me to treat myself and others with genuine respect and kindness. And they will call me out when I mess up or need to do some work.

As a person who loves me, I am calling myself out.

I have some work to do.