visions

I remember I wrote a poem about him last year. Well, I wrote it immediately after seeing him. 

Maybe it wasn’t about him. But I think it was.

It was after one of my first nights sleeping over at his place

I was crunching through the paper thin layer of snow before six am

back to my apartment as the Chinese city awoke.

I felt like... myself after being with him. I could see myself more clearly. 

I would briefly swing by my own place - 

Make some tHiRd wAvE pour-over coffee

Change my clothes 

Touch up my face

Then grab my backpack for the 40 minute subway ride, double checking that my kindle was still crammed into my coat pocket.

If I was running late, maybe I scanned a QR code to grab a share bike. 

The subway was ideal reading time. And reading was the best way to ignore the staring strangers.

I definitely grabbed a bike after the subway. It was a 20 minute walk from the subway to my school… or a 7 minute bike ride if I booked it. 

From the time I left his arms to the door of my international kindergarten where they scanned my face and fingerprints

I felt his warmth.

And now I'm listening to his snores. 

And I suspect I'll continue to adore him more each night.

I see myself more clearly now.  

The image is still foggy

The messages may still be misconstrued. 

But my vision is improving

and I can see where I want to go.

Hah it was less than a year ago. I just found the poem in the huawei phone I got when I arrived there... It cost just 200 kuai. That’s about $30.

It was written on January 26, 2020.

The snow that arrived last night

Groans in resistance under my boots.

The metronomic tap of my heels

Is muffled by his sighs.

The path beside him may be clearer,

But he gives me a grip on reality.